Setting goals without shaming yourself this New Year
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I'm recording this on the way to my first antenatal class of 2026. I'm all for New Year's resolutions, but here's what I care about more: the quality of your relationship with yourself while working towards your goals. We set these black and white objectives without thinking about the cost. Are we already judging the old version of ourselves? Setting ourselves up for shame?
I think about it like driving a kid to their first day of grade one. You wouldn't tell them kindergarten was useless. But that's how we talk to ourselves with resolutions. The road to goals isn't linear. If we've decided the old version is bad, we create constant opportunities to shame ourselves. Find phrases that feel like a supportive parent rooting for you, making it clear you don't have to prove anything to be loved. You're already worthy right now.
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I think about it like driving a kid to their first day of grade one. You wouldn't tell them kindergarten was useless. But that's how we talk to ourselves with resolutions. The road to goals isn't linear. If we've decided the old version is bad, we create constant opportunities to shame ourselves. Find phrases that feel like a supportive parent rooting for you, making it clear you don't have to prove anything to be loved. You're already worthy right now.
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
Chapters
- 00:14 Recording while driving to first antenatal class of 2026
- 01:47 Teaching matresence and couple dynamics in antenatal classes
- 03:11 Baby WTF and Ready Steady Baby workshops available
- 03:52 New Year pressure to be a new, better version of yourself
- 05:27 External goals versus internal shifts
- 06:34 Perfectionism is really about fear of failure, not greatness
- 08:41 All goals are valid, but what's the cost of achieving them?
- 09:54 The quality of your relationship with yourself matters more than achieving goals
- 11:00 Metaphor: Speaking to a grade one student on their first day
- 13:30 The problem with "new year, new you" messaging
- 15:19 Setting yourself up for shame with black and white thinking
- 16:43 You're fine no matter what happens with your goals
- 18:08 Practical exercise: Finding supportive phrases for yourself
- 20:06 Where to write your supportive phrases: post-its, journals, mirrors
- 22:42 Working on your relationship with yourself affects everything else
- 24:10 You have the power to give yourself love and safety right now
- 26:09
- 27:22
