Boundaries as self-care: Why saying no protects everyone
Loading player...
One of the most common struggles in my therapy practice: women who've been conditioned to believe they're responsible for managing everyone's emotions. Using real examples from relationships with new parents, I examine how societal conditioning creates automatic "yes" responses that ultimately harm both ourselves and our relationships.
I share practical steps for recognizing burnout symptoms as boundary violations, the revolutionary power of pausing before saying yes, and why taking care of your own needs actually benefits everyone. I also demonstrate how over-functioning prevents others from developing their own capabilities and authentic relationships.
This episode explains why boundaries aren't selfish - they're the foundation of safety in all relationships, including the therapeutic relationship. Essential listening for anyone who struggles with guilt around self-care or feels exhausted from constantly prioritizing others' comfort over their own wellbeing.
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
I share practical steps for recognizing burnout symptoms as boundary violations, the revolutionary power of pausing before saying yes, and why taking care of your own needs actually benefits everyone. I also demonstrate how over-functioning prevents others from developing their own capabilities and authentic relationships.
This episode explains why boundaries aren't selfish - they're the foundation of safety in all relationships, including the therapeutic relationship. Essential listening for anyone who struggles with guilt around self-care or feels exhausted from constantly prioritizing others' comfort over their own wellbeing.
Follow Carly on:
Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw
Chapters
- 00:00 Introduction to boundaries as self-care
- 00:40 How women are taught to manage everyone's emotions
- 01:41 The difference between empathy and emotional responsibility
- 02:39 Introduction to setting boundaries in relationships
- 03:10 Example using heterosexual new parent relationship
- 04:01 The rationalization trap: earning more money means doing less caregiving
- 06:03 Recognizing burnout symptoms as boundary violations
- 06:53 Tracing back to moments when you could have set boundaries
- 07:53 The societal script that women should never say something is "too much"
- 09:03 Congratulating yourself for recognizing you need support
- 09:42 Practical boundary exercise: taking weekend mornings for yourself
- 11:17 Advertisement for "O Baby, WTF" online course
- 12:26 Surviving the discomfort of others' emotional reactions
- 13:39 Questioning the agreement to always suffer so others won't
- 15:05 The revolutionary power of "no"
- 16:08 Pausing before automatic "yes" responses
- 16:35 The nappy-changing example: when helping actually hinder
- 18:25 How over-functioning interferes with others' development
- 19:23 Modeling boundaries for your children
- 19:45 Boundaries as the foundation of safety
- 20:05 Therapeutic boundaries as an example of protective structure
- 21:04 Closing thoughts on continuing boundary conversations
